So. Dawei. What's the deal?

Eh?

Like, who are you? Where did you come from? You're one of those wacky Aussies, aren't you?

Oh, yeah. Only just though! My parents wanted to shit me out in New Zealand where they were living, but in a fit of hormones Mother decided to move back to Australia when she was about to pop. They thought of Cairns or Melbourne, but settled in sunny Brisbane, capital of the Sunshine State. It matches my sunny disposition, non?

Yeah. Right. Anyhoo, you sound like a bit of a 'tard. Are you educated?

Actually, wiseass, I graduated in the top two percent of the state, back in the day. It was a close call; I had to repeat a year of kindergarten, as I wasn't "developed" enough (that is, I couldn't walk in a straight line or cut out traced shapes). I'm currently studying a dual degree in Arts and Sciences.

A B.A/B.Sc? What is that, two degrees in Worthless? Why not just get a "diploma" from TAFE?

Yeah, thanks, DAD. I do have future aspirations, you know!

*raised eyebrow*

Yup. I'll probably graduate next year, and then move onto... more study. Hopefully medicine, but maybe something more law-y or word-y is on the cards. My problem is I'm too talented in too many areas. I would like to travel some more, and live overseas. If I'm in Australia, I'll probably move to Sydney or Melbourne to study and work.

You sound like you're a bit of a negative cunt, and probably have borderline obsessive compulsive disorder. Do you get enjoyment from anything in life?

Sure! I mean, my tastes are varied and change frequently, but at the moment I am digging:

Mojitos & Lychinis

Hat in bar guy

Tofu and fake meat products

Upper East Siders

Hidden crumbs in empty packets of Twisties

Bonds Lo-Rider boxer briefs

Pad Thai Gai

Carrot cake

i-D Magazine

Coulommiers cheese

Ads in fashion magazines

Diet Coke

Carmex

Flirting for free martinis

Picking rice cracker remnants from my teeth

Strawberry-mint frappes

Leather wrist thingies and silver man-jewellery

Louis Vuitton clothes

Absolut Vanilia

Do I really want to know what you despise?

Kids wearing sunglasses

Self photos

Dean

University

Denim shorts

Trucker hats

Von Dutch anything

Vomiting

Toddlers on leashes

People who drink the milk from their cereal bowls

People who pay cash

The phrase "short and curlies"

Cyclists

Urine with high urea

Drag queens

Perkiness

Umbrellas used as a form of sun protection

Oprah's hair

Automatic cars

Louis Vuitton luggage

You sound like a vigourous young go-getter. Spunky and full of beans, too. I reckon you'd be totally cute as! So where's the photo?

What is this, Gaydar? Fuck off.

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posted by Dawei at 7:38 PM